Economic Boom

I am so tired of looking for work. I apply and apply and apply, and I don't even get a call back. Even the local writing that somehow managed to pop up doesn't want me. And we're talking shitty little magazines from the middle of nowhere.

I need to stop looking at friends' pictures online. It's seriously depressing seeing everyone else living their life whilst I am stuck here, in my parent's house, looking for work that doesn't exist, and hanging out with no one. What a grand story I'll have to tell my children -- I went to college, lived in Paris, transferred a few times, studied writing and French, and then I graduated. No it doesn't go on...the story ended there. What? You watch your mouth when you're talking to me!

um.

Anyway moving on: I'm so sad LJ has gone down the crapper. I really don't like this site whatsoever. No friendslock, no privacy leveling, no real friending...wtf? I mean yeah blogging is about blogging but it's nice to have the social aspect thrown in. Plus, I like icons, maybe because it soothes my inner graphic design geek.

Actually I probably could be out with friends if I wanted to...or well, felt like eating crow I guess? Not that I have any idea as to why I'd be eating it. I already ate it, three times, and if H is not going to accept or acknowledge my apology then what am I supposed to do? I'm not going to force a friendship with someone who I don't really like anymore. It's just sad really, we were pretty good friends I think, I had a lot of fun with H, she was silly and smart and genuinely seemed to care (well that is until she missed tragic life moment of all tragic life moments EVER -- wtf I can't even bold in this application? L A M E.) Well said tragic life moment surprised me a great deal and I was very angry but I have gotten over it...anger is gone but the incident isn't forgotten. I'm not going to hold it against her of course, I didn't really feel upset until I heard that she just plum forgot. Hard to forget incident I would've imagined but I guess not.

It's just sad, after all these years and all these laughs that I'm the only one who feels there's something worth fighting for. I suppose I never should have went on that trip with her. I'm still embarassed about what happened. When I am taken as far away as possible from my comfort zone strange things act up...then at least, now not so much. Anxiety is a viscious and cruel beast and that coupled with tragic moment pulled the rug from my feet for months and I acted a bit odd. I don't think I'm me anymore, it completely changed my personality and I often wonder if that's why I lost my friends.

All I want is to be good, live my life, be happy, and have (good) friends and family around.

Just like the song says:

I want to live life
and always be true
I want to live life
and be good to you

And I wanna fly
and never come down
and live my life
and have friends around

...and making more friends would be easy